What I’d Tell My Fresher Self

Stop thinking it’s the make or break of Uni life. 

In a few short weeks it’ll be a year since I rolled up to the University of Bristol, boxes full of gleaming new pots and pans, with bags full of washi tape to create jazzy designs in my new bedroom. So I thought I’d mark this anniversary by thinking about what advice I’d give to my Fresher Self to improve on those first few scary months…

My fresher bedroom 

Put less pressure on yourself

Freshers is probably one of the most built up weeks of life ever. Expectations of socialising, clubbing, drinking… Thinking you’ll find the New You. When you build anything up this much it’ll always be pretty anticlimactic. I wish I could tell myself to stop thinking it’s the make or break of Uni life. There were many many more weeks afterwards where far better things happened, far more mental clubbing occurred (shout out to Lakota) and far more valuable friends were made.

Spent the entire drive pushing my boxes off me 

Sign Up to Sports

Most people would tell you to go to societies, and I’d agree it’s a great way to make friends. I signed up to a few but dragged by feet when it came to team sports, as I’ve never been any good. But the first week is often when other unsure people will go, making it a good time to trial stuff without feeling like the only marshmellow on the netball team. (Also places fill up in sports teams so even if you want to join, you sometimes can’t)

Genuinely how I'd imagine netball tryouts. 

Get A Plant. Ok this is a tad of a random one. I've always wanted a plant in my Uni room, they look so nice and it's like having a less needy pet. But I was so busy at the beginning making sure I got enough water and sunlight that I couldn’t keep another being alive. By 2^nd term it seemed stupid to get one if I was only gonna kill it come exam time. So yeah, get a plant and give it a friendly name like Herbert, so you can talk to it when you’re lonely I mean so you’re more inclined to hydrate it.

Speak to More People. The most cliché of all fresher’s redo lists. It’s the obvious one, because everyone wishes they’d socialised more. By the time you get to Christmas or so, you feel everyone’s in their groups and you can’t change yours, so you’ll always look back and wish you’d got out there more.

Representing.

But also, don’t get offended by rude people. There’ll be some people in Freshers who literally seem to not want to meet anyone new. When you introduce yourself to them they will seem confused as to why they’d care, AND they don’t even fake a laugh when you say your name sounds like a jumper. They could just be socially awkward and will warm up to you. But some people aren’t worth your time. I wish I could go back and reassure myself that I’m not a complete social potato, and it’s ok to not get on with everyone.

Exploring the city's culture is a great way to feel at home and get out of the Uni Bubble 

Explore the city. Getting to know where you live is probably one of the best ways to feel comfortable in your new home. Also, it really helps to get out of the Uni Bubble, where it can sometimes be pretty overwhelming. So I’d recommend grabbing some new friends and going to a street market, board game cafe or taking in the city’s culture in a museum. As cringe as that may sound, it’s important to know that a city isn’t just the university, and a few streets away from your campus is a whole other world. And when you need time to yourself it’s good to have a favourite place to go to get some peace and quiet and spend a bit of dolla on a distressed wooden picture frame for your bedroom (looking at you, Clifton Arcade).

Stop saying it’s all amazing. I witnessed something in the first few months of Uni. Everyone says they are having The Best Time Ever. But often, when it comes to around January, many people start admitting that they felt lonely or insecure or just bored with their subject. I think it’s time we started addressing the taboo, and admitting to friends when things aren’t so great. It’s tough to acknowledge when uni isn’t all you expected, but chances are your friends will have gone through something similar.

I wish I could tell myself that I would make some great friends here, Freshers isn't the make or break. 

It’ll all be okay, and soon this will seem like home. It’s all so exciting, but for the first few months I felt it was a whirlwind and I just could not get a steady grip on anything. Everything moves so fast and at the beginning you can’t imagine ever feeling like this is your home. But before you know it, you know the best clubs, the fastest routes to your lectures, and where to go for late night binge eating. And then you’re writing a blog a few weeks before second year and freaking out on a whole other level.

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We Went to FARA

Dear Ellie, please don’t hurt me for wearing your clothes.

Yep, my first hardcore haul blog. 

Not to insult Bristol as a whole but its vintage shops are a bit problematic. Yeah, they contribute to your entire student aesthetic and solidify your place at the Uni more than your UCAS form, but they are also extortionately overpriced. I mean, my dad has boxes and boxes of 70s oversized jumpers, and he doesn’t make me pay £60 to wear one. Then again, he has not called his striped shirts ‘repurposed’ or ‘upcycled’ so do they even count as wearable?

FARA Shelf aesthetic on point. 

I’ve managed to last a year in Bristol without buying anything from a second hand shop or a vintage shop, but I think people may start noticing my chunky knits are from Marks & Spencer rather than ‘ sometime in the 70s-90s.’ Also, it has recently come to my attention (eg. Dina told me) that SOME SECOND HAND SHOPS ARE REALLY CHEAP. Which is kind of a big deal for some nearing the dreaded negative numbers on their bank balance.

It looks way classier than your average charity shop 

With this in mind, Dina and I ventured off to FARA. We were highly keen and went not only to the branch in Pimlico but then also to the branch in Angel. FARA are a chain of charity shops that sell affordable second-hand and vintage clothes and have cool bric-a-brac  which contribute to the overall eclectic décor. Also (obvs more important than the edgy décor,) they are a charity that provides support for Romania’s neglected children. So in a nutshell: good clothes, good deeds.

I mean look at those jazzy boots hanging from the ceiling 

Sidenote: we stuck our head into their Retromania branch in Victoria and, even though it’s very cool and retro and vintage etc etc, it is very much not within our budget (aka the clothes are over £10), so if you too are looking for cheaper options, stick with their normal second-hand-type shops.

This is what I got and a bonus bit of analysis…

Cropped farmer (get it) 

1.     Cropped Plaid Shirt. Cost: £3. Pretty self explanatory. What do you do when you have 4 plaid shirts already? Buy a cropped one. Where would I wear this? Either to be a cropped farmer, or, alternatively, all the time as casual wear.

Haha, teaches you to call tails and not heads. 

2.     Doodle Shirt. Cost: £9.80. One of the pricier of my haul, but come on how adorable are the hot air balloons!?  Dina actually wanted this too, so we tossed a coin for it. The look in her eyes at the moment I got it has made me concerned for my life, so I actually wrote this whole blog as public evidence in case I go missing. Where would I wear this? I would either wear this as Dina tries to take it off my cold dead bones, or to look particularly adorable on the daily, or to fly away on a hot air balloon one day and be matching with the sky.

I would wear this in a hot air balloon and match the sky. 

Just me noticing I'm wearing a jacket. 

3.     Reversible bomber. Cost: £24. Ignore that it is over £10 which was my budget per item, because money doesn’t count when it is reversible and silky and embroidered and amazing (if Mr Santander is reading this, I respect money, please can I have a bigger overdraft). Where would I wear this? For when we inevitably don’t get into Lola Lo’s next term, and we have to change our outfits to go in disguise.

What? No, I did not know certain members of the crew were banned from this club?  

My face as we sneak past the Lola's bouncers with my disguise. 

4. White lace. Cost: £6. Where would I wear this? If grandparents/ parents are reading, I would only wear this as underwear. Aka, will wear on nights out and hope people can differentiate between my transparent skin and the lace. 

Oops.

5. Black body. Cost: £2. Where would I wear this? If I want to pretend to cover my midriff for once on a night out. I have just noticed that the label has the name ‘Ellie’ written on it in red, and literally looks like the writing in a horror film. Dear Ellie, please don’t hurt me for wearing your clothes.

Please don't hunt me down. 

I really hope you grew out of this rather than died in it

6.     Mesh top. Cost: £3. Because would any Desperately-Trying-to-Be-Edgy clothing haul be complete without this? Where would I wear this? When I’m trying to look like oranges that have become emo.

Seriously don't know why mesh is a thing but I like it. 

The shopping experience was probably a 6/10, with 1 being pulling knickers out of the student laundrette and contemplating stealing them (something I have indeed done) and 10 being going to Westfield when it first opened and realising there is a heaven made for shoppers. Here are the reasons why it was not a 10/10…

Firstly, I wanted to get something off the mannequin and the shop assistant asked me ‘will you buy it or just try it?’ which is pretty much the stupidest question to ask someone when they have not tried it on. A second shop assistant then told me ‘It’s a size 4’ very pointedly looking at my waist. Ok, I am not a size 4, so fair enough, but no one has the right to tell me that, as I may feel like a size 4 in my soul. Needless to say, I did not ask her to take it off the mannequin and the size 4 top lived to see another day.

Secondly, there were only two changing rooms, which made it quite an ordeal having to wait for the room to become free whilst also juggling a billion different plaid shirts.

Thirdly, in the Angel branch, there was some pretty questionable music. The verses sounded like someone playing a panflute with their nostril. The choruses seemed to be a man yodelling quite badly. However, as I stood waiting for the changing room, balancing my clothes with every limb, it actually started to grow on me. I kind of think it’s the future of music. So I’ll add on a point for that. Shopping experience: 7/10.

We've all been thinking it. 

Total dolla spent: £47.80

However. As we have covered, it doesn’t count if it’s two items mooshed together, because it isn’t a piece of clothing, it is a scientific phenomenon. And if it has doodles on it, is it even a shirt, or is it an artistic investment? Also the universe will pay me back for going to a charity shop and giving money to children. So by my calculations, I’m actually owed money. 

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Epigram Review: Cherry

'Unashamedly honest, critical and thought provoking'- Cherry at the Chelsea Theatre   

Article for Epigram 

Hudi Charin scopes out what Loose Cannon Theatre have been rustling up for Edinburgh Fringe.

‘He’s almost 17. He has to get laid before his birthday or he can’t be my friend.’

With lines like these from some of the biggest films and TV shows of the noughties and nineties, Cherry offers a refreshing take on virginity, and questions the culture in which have all grown up.

The Inbetweeners first taught us the best way to deal with an under performing organ is to yell at it in frustration.

A culture which seems obsessed with virginity, or rather losing virginity. From Skins to The Inbetweeners and from Clueless to 50 Shades of Grey, virginity is framed as an important plot point, or a major flaw of character.

Loose Cannon Theatre 

As Cherry points out, most of us would have been well under 16 when The Inbetweeners first taught us the best way to deal with an under performing organ is to yell at it in frustration. What has this done to our view of sexuality and the subject of virginity?

The use of props is highly inventive, and quite mesmerising

Written and directed by Elliot Brett and Polly Wain, Cherry is unashamedly honest, critical and thought-provoking. From the outset the show is compelling, as it is written around authentic interviews and testimonies. Hundreds of voices help to conclude that we are all a bit clueless when it comes to sex, which is something anyone can relate to.

Cast members Lizzie Annis, Lily Carr, Mikey Tsoukkas, Joss Gillepsie, Jessica Garlick and Layla Madanat are so in tune with one another, and each moment is so seamlessly performed that you will believe every persona they take on. They speak in first person in multiple different roles, each one seemingly truthful and unscripted, leaving us intrigued as to which moments are real and which are acted.

The use of props is highly inventive, and quite mesmerising in the effortless transitions between ideas and scenes. Against a backdrop of an unmade bed and a hanging sheet, the cast use a single projector to explore the show’s original and complex themes.

this balance of humour and tackling sensitive issues that makes the stories in Cherry so important.

The show is amazingly simple yet visually brilliant, you will not take your eyes off the cast as they string fairy lights, pour ‘blood’ and play violins. Madanat’s struggle against a shadow is yet another example of this creative integration of props into the dialogue. Although the show doesn’t involve participation, it still manages to feel like the cast is in relaxed conversation with the audience.

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A multitude of topics and emotions are packed into this short work. Garlick’s take on Anastasia Steele and Tsoukkas as a young gay man struggling to find potential partners is genuinely hilarious. Yet within minutes, sincere silence falls for Annis’s frank discussion of virginity and religion.

This show challenged deeply ingrained stigma and taboo, from the idea of penetrative sex as the true loss of virginity to the sexual confidence and entitlement of men.

Gillepsie’s heartfelt portrayal of a young man pressuring his girlfriend into sex is as relatable as it is detestable, shining light on the pressure on young men to lose their virginity at an age where emotional maturity is still developing. It is this balance of humour and tackling sensitive issues that makes the stories in Cherry so important.

This show challenged deeply ingrained stigma and taboo, from the idea of penetrative sex as the true loss of virginity to the sexual confidence and entitlement of men.

Produced by Anna Wyn and Grace Calvert, and stage managed by Ben Orr, Cherry is the production of Bristol based theatre makers Loose Cannon Theatre. It is now showing at the Edinburgh Fringe, and it’s definitely worth catching. Although only 50 minutes, Cherry will get you talking and thinking for much longer.

Cherry is showing at theSpace @ Venue 45 from the 7th-26th of August. Tickets here.

Loose Cannon Theatre are on Facebook // Twitter // Instagram

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Review: Wtf did we just watch?

Spoiler alert: the end completely changes the tone of the entire show, and could put many people off 

I’ll admit it: I’m confused.

Last night we innocently went to see a comedy musical as part of the Camden Fringe. Little did we know that we would leave the show feeling entirely perplexed and quite disturbed. I have spent the entire morning reading reviews of said show, but there are so many contradictory angles that they have just contributed to my bewilderment.

Grab ‘Em by the Pussy is described as a ‘sassy surreal comedy musical about grabbing pussy.’ So far, so expected. I had assumed we would witness a light hearted show reflecting on women in society and the social pressures we are under, as well as the undeniable daily sexual harassment most girls have experienced since the age of thirteen, which is now embodied by none other than the US President. However, what we were met with was far more twisted and much less straight forward. (Although it must be said that Dina expected it to be a satirical political piece about Donald Trump, so at least I was a bit more prepared than she.)

The night began with a strange introduction to the venue. We caught the show at The Monkey House on Seven Sisters where we were told they have a ‘no shoe policy’ so we had to remove our shoes and help ourselves to some pretty disgusting slippers. Considering I was wearing Timberlands which are famously tricky to get on and off, this was an odd start.

The protagonist of the show is Maisie, played by Alice Wolff-Whitehouse. Many reviews have described the character as relatable, and successfully encapsulating the confusion many of women feel about how to conduct themselves sexually. In the first 20 minutes or so, I’d agree. Maisie struggles with knowing how to dance in the club without seeming too keen saying ‘sometimes the beat takes over my soul’. She wants guys to be interested but doesn’t know how to seem aloof whilst also attractive. She feels jealous when her friends are getting more action than her. I’d say most of these things girls can relate to at some stage of their lives. I also felt the show was empowered at this stage. It’s not often that women’s sexuality is explored in this way, with songs such as ‘No One Will Let Me Blow Them.’ Not only this, but the inclusion of socially awkward Ian (loveably and believably played by Alasdair Melrose) further challenged the stereotype that men are always more sexually driven than women.

But then the show progressed into darker themes. Maisie doesn’t just want attention from men, she wants them to ‘touch me when I don’t want to be touched.’ Hmm.

The show was definitely funny at points. I laughed out loud throughout Melrose’s desperate attempt to prove his manly credentials with his rendition of 'I Can Carry Heavy Objects Long Distances Without Needing a Rest.' The less-than-subtle cat themed ‘Grab ‘Em by the Meow’ was also a highlight with lines such as ‘cat burglary.’ Overall, the music by Josh Wells was genius. The cast were amazing at fully committing to their roles, with Wolff-Whitehouse throwing herself across the stage as erratic Maisie, and Rachel Loughran embodying Roxanne and then (oddly) a Scottish army general.

Yet the cast were let down by the strange plot twists. No one seemed to understand the inclusion of the army, and all jokes relating to this thus fell flat. There was also the surreal element of Maisie standing up and slow motion dancing in between each scene. And finally, there was the last scene.

 I had not intended to reveal the end of the plot, but, as it completely changes the tone of the entire show, and could put many people off from seeing it, I think it’s relevant. So here goes, spoiler alert. (In fact, it's probably best to put a trigger warning here too.) 

The end of the show sees Maisie attempt to rape Ian. Pulling at his trousers whilst he protests pitifully she says ‘don’t worry, you’ll like it.’ As if this isn’t disturbing enough, he then rolls on top of her, pushes her face down on the stage and proceeds to rape her instead. The show concludes with Maisie lying flat on the floor whilst Ian walks off. The audience sat in total silence for at least a minute, unsure whether to clap.

Needless to say, Dina and I both walked out of The Monkey House and simultaneously said ‘WTF did we just watch?’

As I said, I have since read many reviews trying to uncover what the aim of this show was. Many have reviewed it as surreal humour, reflecting on women in society.

One review, by Samuel Smith, described it as ‘exploring a dystopian world where women have lost all autonomy over their sexual rights and consent.’

 It’s an interesting angle, but I don’t think it’s actually true, not least because Caroline Buckley, the writer, has not described it as such. Instead she said to The Space ‘For a long time it was just one song about a girl who is desperate to be sexually assaulted. I was inspired by the bizarre concept that girls are asking for it and should take unwelcomed ‘attention’ as a compliment.’ This comment has also left me baffled. Does that mean the entire show is ironic? Are we supposed to laugh at the final rape scene?

Finally I will leave you with a line from the Camden Fringe synopsis: ‘One thing is for sure it will be an hour of random fun!’ Is rape on stage ever random fun?

 Grab 'Em By The Pussy is showing until the 12th August at The Monkey House 

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